Friday, April 18, 2003

My darling hubsand (sic) made the fool hardy suggestion that I participate in the "Friday Five" and just having a quick look at his answers I find that we are inexorably becoming the same person. You'll see what I mean from my answers, its either that or the varnish fumes.
1. Who is your favorite celebrity?
George Clooney - mostly for the same reasons as my fine husband puts forth, Mr Clooney doesn't seem to suffer from the same level of artifice as many a celeb. does. But I also have less esoteric reasons for my fondness of him.

2. Who is your least favorite?
Britney Spears. I really can't put into words why it is I don't like her, her profund "Barbieness" may be part of it and the way her songs insinuate there way into the playlist in your head and just won't quit. The extremely questionable lyrical content of her songs grates with me, if she is meant to be a role model for girls, God help us. I'm going to stop now before I get sued.

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?
When I was working at The Children's Hospital about seven years ago I saw Sean Bean, this is Sheffield who else would you expect me to run into. I also bumped into Stella Gonet, she was the older sister in "The House of Eliott" in the profoundly salubrious setting of the public toilets at Pisa airport.

4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?
Yes and no. I would love to write a great book that people would love to read, then to have that book made into a faithful blockbuster movie. And if I could possible do all this without actually having to leave my front room, that would be just great.

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?
Robin Hartl. This may not be as well known a name as say Julia Roberts, but if you're a "Discovery Home & Leisure" junkie like me, you will know her as one of the stars of "Hometime". So why would I want to be Ms Hartl, well she drives a kick-ass truck, gets to wear a heavy-duty toolbelt, plays at building houses and is allowed loose on every power tool under the sun. Woo-hoo.

Because you demanded it (and certainly not because my role in home renovation has left me unable to summon up the wherewithal to post my own stuff), it's that time of the week again: CUE THE FRIDAY FIVE!!!

1. Who is your favorite celebrity?

I have a lot of time for George Clooney. He seems to know that what's going on in the world is a tad bit more important than box office grosses, and seems to be actively trying to make good movies and not just coin in the big bucks by phoning it in in dumb-ass blockbusters. He also seems to be unusually humble - he's the first guy to admit it when he's made a duff choice, or done less than stellar work in a movie. I also really dig Tony Hawk - how can you not love a guy who gets paid absurd amounts of money to try and find new ways to subvert the accepted definition of gravity and cock-a-snook at many people's fear of heights?

2. Who is your least favorite?

I can't say that I know anything more about her than what I read glancingly in newspapers or online, but Jennifer Lopez would certainly seem to be somebody who's more in love with the business of celebrity and the fringe benefits of stardom than in the work that she's ostensibly supposed to be famous for - I would hazard a guess that 90% of her fanbase are more interested in her relationships and glamourous lifestyle than in her music and film career (and given her recent output in both spheres, can you honestly blame them?).

3. Have you ever met or seen any celebrities in real life?

The other week, driving to the cinema in Sheffield, my wife and I saw Prince Naseem Hamed, speeding it up in a gleaming new convertible Benz. And, when I was younger, a terminally awful British comedy duo called 'Little and Large' filmed a sketch for one of their typically unwatchable, Saturday night comedy shows on the street where I used to live in my home town, Scarborough. My Mum, to her eternal credit, interrupted filming whilst returning home and caused these family friendly entertainers to emit a barrage of cursing and bad-frigging-language which rather belied their onscreen geniality. They didn't sign autographs for the neighbourhood kids either, the phonies.

4. Would you want to be famous? Why or why not?

No way on God's earth. Or Krishna's, for that matter. I'll take a profitable backroom role as a screenwriter or script doctor, pocket the overflowing bundles of cash which come with it and derive subsequent, comforting anonymity, thank you very much. The celeb-wannabes can have the press constantly camped on their doorsteps, going through their trash for incriminating evidence of spuriously-reasoned romantic wrongdoings and freely sign themselves up for an ongoing siege mindset and the wrenching sense of personal inadequacy often experienced by the famous and talent-depleted when the inevitable law of decreasing returns kicks in and their precious celebrity status fades into nothingness. Who in their right mind would want to willingly trade off their privacy, peace of mind and freedom just so they can have their name linked to the hot celebrity of the moment, or so that they can hear their name echo to hollow, fleeting acclaim across the world's ravenous media networks? I've said it once and I'll say it again: "CELEBRITY=DEATH!"

5. If you had to trade places with a celebrity for a day, who would you choose and why?

I'd be Keanu Reeves. He knows Kung-Fu. Also? He's probably seen "The Matrix Reloaded" by now, and may very well have a fairly good idea about what happens in "The Matrix Revolutions", too...

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Kate Beckinsale fans can, meanwhile, rejoice to see the very cool one-sheet for her September horror adventure "Underworld", which is brought to you by the exclusivity pimps at Coming Soon! (Garth at Dark Horizons had it first, but Sony made him take it down, by all accounts..).

Clicky on this "DareDevil" link for an early review of the 2-Disc DVD, due out in the US and UK towards the end of July.

With all due props to the fine people at DVD File for being so on the ball...

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Click HERE for the advance gen on the Region One DVD release of the ludicrously gory teen horror flick, "Final Destination 2", a movie that the Righteous K. watched in its entirety from behind her hands. And the wise bods at New Line have seen fit to give it the "Infinitifilm' treatment, with extras coming out the wazoo and glorious, neighbour-annoying dts 6.1 es digital surround sound?

Time for the patented, Pat Morrison-copyrighted, amusement-guaranteeing "Yippee-Skippy!" dance, I think.

Today's raiding of the fine and dandy Last Free City "Matrix" fansite reveals an intriguing new development in Neo-esque apparel which will surely cause a proverbial fashion revolution amongst well-heeled techno-goths seeking that perfect outfit for the release day of "...Reloaded" at their local UberPlex.

That's SUCH a good look...

A news nugget straight from the "Truth is stranger than fiction" file.

With thanks to the Bloggerheads site for the heads-up...

Monday, April 14, 2003

This morning, I painted an ugly orange room a far nicer shade of light blue. "Contemporary Blue", in fact, to quote the affable folks at Dulux, and realised just why it was that my younger brother, and not yours truly, pursued that career in house painting - after almost two hours of sweating like a pig and singularly failing to make a dent on the hideous sunny hue still poking through, I admitted temporary defeat and decided that a second coat was necessary.

At lunchtime, my mother-in-law, Mrs K., took over and finished off the bathroom, which is looking rather lovely and soothingly aqua green, and neatly distracts attention away from the ugliest carpet that I've seen since my days hauling post around and waiting on doorsteps for people to sign for packages - the things you see when people aren't paying the blindest bit of notice to you would shock and appall the decor-minded of you out there in Readerville.

As for me, I went back into Sheffield and fetched up for a computer training course that I've decided to try and pursue - it wouldn't hurt to brush up on some of my PC fundamentals and get an inkling of what my operating system is actually doing whilst I punch trivial asides into the computer's long-suffering keyboard and hope that the occasional pearl of wisdom escapes by some miracle or other.

That went well-ish...(something tells me that I should actually take the tutorials before sitting through the stuff on the course which actually counts towards my final course credit, and I might do substantially better than achieving a 77% mark which I managed to attain by sheer, fluke-some luck and wild key-stabbing).

Tonight? I'm supposed to be swimming, but three days of decoration, renovation, lack of sleep and no movies have taken it out of me - I've taken the evening off to blog-out this update and read through the links in the "Daily Reading" section of this site.

Tomorrow promises to be busier still...

Sunday, April 13, 2003

In the name of all that is holy and sacred, "Rolling Stone" film critic Peter Travers gives a positive review to a James Cameron flick.

I'm going off to lie down and rest - talk amongst yourselves until I get back...

Despite the inescapable truth that I don't really care about football that much, the undeniable fact that I live in Sheffield leads me to don my splendid colours of self-righteousness and politely suggest that the result of THIS particular footie match was an absolute fricking outrage, and that the referee is, indeed, someone who is apparently entirely comfortable with his own crapulence and stupifying ineptitude.

Arsenal? Chancers, the bloody lot of them.

Day two of the revamp of our house and I'm already reasonably concerned that our new neighbours may be getting the impression that Righteous K. and I are a tiny wee bit on the nutty side.

Whilst we were doing some paint touch-ups on awkward high corners and generally finishing-up the colours in our bedroom, we couldn't help but notice that passers-by were taking more than a little interest in the colour scheme we've chosen - there was a definite look on one person's face which suggested that they feared for our sanity and found the contrast between purple/turquoise to be more visually arresting than they were banking on. It is a big room, mind, and the colours do kind of grab even the most casual viewer by the lapel and shout "Notice me! Damn your eyes!"

And the guy with the baby, in the house opposite us over the road, seemed to be holding his young charge up to the window so that his offspring could be shown the room on the other side of the street, and the handiwork of the potentially crazy new neighbours - "See Johnny, that's what we grown-ups call nutcases..."

This morning also saw me taking a roller, an extending brush and some curiously salmon-coloured paint and applying at least some of those items in an effort to give the living room a new lease of colour. It's some testament to the work put in by yours truly that now, some six hours later, I just about have some feeling back in my shoulders, and can move a matter of inches without experiencing jarring, gnawing pain in every part of my muscles (which I have discovered that I actually have, after the decorating exploits of this weekend). Every word typed in this update is a testimony to my ability to circumvent pain, sneak up behind it, get the drop on the son of a bitch and then repeatedly punch him in the throat, all the while yelling hoarsely, "Here comes the real pain, Bubby! How d'ya like them apples?!?"

I'm sorry - I appeared to go psycho then, just for a moment. It must be the paint fumes getting to me...

And today in our exciting new feature, Apparent Parody Blog Corner...

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